We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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