YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
