I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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