the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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