also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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