thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
