I want to walk on stilts...naked
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
