This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
