After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
her vagine was all disorganized.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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