Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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