ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
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