YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
