You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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