real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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