New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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