Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
