A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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