He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
