i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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