My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
