you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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