I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
