So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is it because I queefed?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
