my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
