i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
