she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my shit smells like andre
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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