and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
