I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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