I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
