How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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