guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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