My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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