God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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