i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
