So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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