drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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