I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
