Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
