So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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