by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
