I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
This girl is more easily done than said...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
