I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
