Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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