i just had sex bonerless
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
