it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
