In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
