I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
