So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
