Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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