Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
