So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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