She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
