I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
