i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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