let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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