Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
