when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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