the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I supernannyed him into submission
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize