; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
we should paint friendship bongs
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