My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
