Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
