I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
