i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
